ok...so i finished work (job #2) at 5:30...didnt get to gma's until 6:30.  came home (palisades) around 7:30.  since then, i've been half bored out of my mind (only half cause i was talking to mi amiga, em) it sucks cause no one can go out tonight because everyone works in the morn...except me.  and did i mention that it sucks not having a car? i mean, seriously sucks.  hopefully i'll scrounge up enough to get something within the next two weeks...(before i go insane) i figured that two jobs would fill up my life so i wouldnt be bored...i was wrong.  so i have sun nights guaranteed free, every other night is iffy (no set schedule yet...don't know if i'll ever have one) but at least if i work at job #2 (which is mostly nights) i get off at 9, so still early enough to go out.

oh, so the married guy from oceans emailed my friend with his number...to give to me.  hmm...from what shawana told me, he is giving me his number "just as friends".  believable? i dunno.  i mean, #1: he didnt mention the whole married thing, and #2: he did call me sexy and ask for my number...hmm...would his wife approve of that? i sure wouldnt.  so im contemplating whether or not to call him.  i probably wont, even if only as a friend (because i am SOOOO against the whole cheating/adultery thing...y'all know why)  i mean, all of my married guy friends i met before they ever got married (in some cases, before they even met their future wives).  not to mention that if i were his wife, i'd be a little worried about my husband talking to a girl that he met at a club as "just a friend".  part of me thinks that i should call him just to say "hi.  its me.  just a question, are you married? would your wife approve of you talking to me?" that would prob end the conversation really quickly.   so i guess thats the answer...not calling him.

as for mr. weekend, my solution (should he come in on saturday, which i hope not) is: RUN AND HIDE.  ha ha ha. im not too sure if i mentioned this last time, but when he came in on sunday, he was wearing bright yellow shorts.  i dont know if he was working out or what, but bright yellow shorts is a major turn off (esp on a 35 yr old <--which is another turn off)

so i think i know my age requirement: 23-30

i need to get out.  like go on a date or something...even if it's just with a guy friend.  i need an ego boost.    not to mention that i have this killer new dress that i want to wear *sigh*  but at least i know one thing, i'll never be desperate enough to do those online matchmaker things.  i think i meet enough questionable guys on my own, thank you.

but im sure there's plenty of nice guys out there.  someone with a great personality, someone with a great sense of humor; even, perhaps, someone from the mainland east coast   (feeling flattered yet?) 

but you know what, im in no rush.  you yank the line in too fast, you'll catch nothing and just lose your bait, but if you wait patiently, there'll be lots of fishes tugging at your line.  maybe even a flipper.  so i can wait...at least until i find a guy who's willing to wait for me too.

so i guess im going to try to sleep now...and dream of mr. right...ha! nah, i'll prob be dreaming of wearing my new dress...that or buying another one.  aah, the pleasures of being a girl...

 teeny

so its sunday night again...which means monday is tomorrow...which means that i'll prob have another boring monday night. 

glad to see that im not the only one still on xanga...that would be kinda depressing.

so lets see...where did i leave off in my ever so exciting life?  oh, i know...mr. weekend.  i dont think i described him (hey trev, listen to this one and tell me what u think) this guy, who will be called mr. weekend, came into my work for the first time last sat.  he was talking story w/me while i was working and my manager said that she thought he was interested in me (which is kinda sketchy, cause i swear he looks like 30-35) but i just thought he was being friendly.  then he came in again the next day.  ok...so that was kinda iffy. then he asked me if i go dancing cause he knows this one place by where pearl city tavern used to be.  ok...so i know this guy is flirting now.  i didnt think anything of it, but then he came in again yesterday.  then he came in today! and he kept staring at me.  creepy, huh? i mean, he seems like he'd be cool as a friend, but this whole coming in on sat/sun thing is starting to get creepy.  like stalker-ish (and not in the good "psycho stalker stud" kinda way) so it makes me a little more freaked out cause i walk to/from work from my gma's house...hmmm...

so im just kinda waiting to see if i'll ever meet a nice guy.  one who's not like 35 or married or anything questionable. 

oh, so the married guy thing (no, its actually not as bad as it sounds).  i went to oceans on fri w/ my friends.  my friend, shawna, invited us for her coworker's birthday.  so im dancing w/ one of her coworkers, and he's kinda cute. soooooo....when he's leaving, he came over and wanted my number (which i wouldnt give out) so then he wanted to give me his number so i'd call him.  so i told him to give his number to shawna and she'd give it to me and then i'd call him.  so i told shawna about this...to which she replied, "he's married w/a kid" what a lowlife.  no wedding ring on, no mention of  a wife or child yet he still asked for my number.  i feel so insulted and stupid.  but at least he doesnt have my number.  but its so embarrassing cause i got hit on by  a married guy.  jeez...can't i get hit on by an attractive SINGLE guy?! grrr...

so i think im seriously having guy issues...this is why its better to just stay single.  i'll just wait for karma to work its magic and find me a nice guy.  but until that happens (if ever) just gonna hang out w/ my friends...hopefully on a monday night since mondays are soooo boring. 

k den.  y'all have a nice night and a great tomorrow.

/teeny

one more thing: my email and aim are still the same...so feel free to drop me a line.  my cell number is somewhat old (as in, if u had my number 2 years ago, its still the same one)

i swear...like no one still uses their xanga (well...besides me) so these are almost like private entries cause NOBODY reads them...ha! (well...once every blue moon someone does)

somebody leave me a message if you're still on xanga!!!

monday nights are boring.

so i figured out that i was ready to settle down...with shane.  until he cheated.  as for the whole thing with justin, i didnt know him enough to settle down.  i just kinda settled for him.  i dunno...im still young.  i have plenty of time to find someone (again) who i'll feel ready to settle down with.  i guess it kinda came into perspective cause my mom actually acknowledged the fact that shane and i were planning on getting married...i mean...4 years is a kinda long time to be living togther.

so now, im just kinda enjoying being myself...i refuse to be with anyone who will make me change who i am or how i act or how i dress or anything.  if u dont like it, tough sh*t.

which brings me to my first point, monday nights are boring. nobody can or wants to go out.  man, i feel like going out.  so if anybody is free on thurs night, gimme a call (thats like the one night that i  dont have anything planned so far)

btw...ever heard "welcome home" by coheed and cambria? listen to the lyrics..."but if you really loved me you would've endured my world' i like that one.

one more thing...grocery shopping for one person is nice.  i save a lot more money.

peace out.

teeny

okie dokie...single again

dumped...again

miserable again? kinda sorta not really.

i miss the companionship.  i miss the habits.  i even miss justin a bit...(or a bit less and a bit more than im willing to say) but its a good thing to be single.  and i plan to actually stay single this time.  for like a year or so. 

i have enough drama in my life without adding a guy into it.

and what the heck...i can take all the time i need, cause im a frickin catch...   so im not going to settle on just any guy...im going to take my time being single, and im going to enjoy it.  im going to be on my own and its going to be tough, but thats ok.

everything is going to be ok.

why?  cause i am the mysterious teeny. 

happy...

minus some dramas  with the parentals...but still...

happy...

so today is/was uneventful.

nothing.

i woke up, went to work, went to gma's, came home, ate dinner, listening to music, staring at the annoyingly bright screen.

thats it.

i still miss masashi.  theres nothing in my house that doesnt remind me of him (after all, he bit everything)

i made it through thursday and now into friday without having an all out breakdown.

i miss masashi so much.

shane is getting sick of me saying that. 

i keep waiting for him to come home.  i feel like the vet is going to call at any moment and say that he's ok.  but he's not.

so today i go to work.  and try to get through another day without bawling.

masashi (my bun)  passed away on tuesday 5/16 from GI stasis.  he was getting prepped for surgery when his little heart stopped beating.  i miss him so much that i can't even think.  i havent left my house since it happened.  everything in and out of my house reminds me of him.  i keep waiting to hear the click clack of his toenails on tile.  im so empty without him.

drowning my problems in sorrow.

dealing with life in pain.

i'm below the surface, stuggling to grasp

this concept of life

this unfair situation

the only way to save me

is to save someone else