well...so much for being single. but thats ok.  i just gotta learn to actually wake up in time to get home before the sun rises. k den...now i actually gotta get ready for work...

~teeny

so i feel like getting out of the house tonight...anybody feel like going to walmart or something? u know, just getting out of the house? just call me if u like go.    okie dokie...im gonna go jump in the shower now...bye!

~teeny

so i've been having a pretty stellar week.

sunday was awesome!!!  work was busy but thats ok.

monday: lots of stuff on my mind.  work was small kine busy.  man...im sooooo bored right now...i really want to get out of the house.  well...at least i get off work at 3:30 tomorrow...so if anybody wants to meet up and do something, gimme a call.

k den...thats it for now

so i just got home not too long ago... too bad im still on training pay and not on commission yet...i sold 4 refers tonight...dang.  i wouldve made my sales goal!  stupid credit system was down tho...at like 8:30ish.  made it super hard to ring up since everyone wanted the 10% promo.  crud.  from the moment i stepped on the floor tonight, it was busy.  like one after another after another.  including telephone calls that drove me insane.  but oh well...chock it up to learning, right?

forty niners wasnt that busy today...which was kinda good or i wouldve been too tired to work at sears. my feet still hurt tho...all that walking/running in heels...dang it.  at least it doesnt hurt as much when i have the insoles in my boots.  well...im just trying to think of the money...money is good.  if i can manage to save up enough for my car, insurance, and my tattoo, even better.   just gotta find time to get it once i have the money...hmmm...

well...im gonna go relax...maybe soak my poor feet or something.  i need a serious back massage though...any cute guys out there willing to give me one? mu ha ha ha.  (this is where i tell myself, GOOD LUCK) well anyway, have a great night and an awesome sunday (especially for all u lucky people who dont work tomorrow) and Happy Labor Day!

~teeny

ok...so im bored again.  trying to think of who to call and bother...hmmm.  well...i guess i'd better find somebody to call or somebody better call me.  peace out homies.

~teeny

ok...just ok.  not great, but not bad

i've survived yet another day. for what? to go to work tomorrow. ha ha ha.  oh, so im planning on going to a formal in october...its not a date.  its more because shawna's bf, nathan, has a friend who doesnt have a date. so thus, here i am.  it feels so high school.  well, except for the whole being a little more formal thing.  i told my mom about it and she thinks its a date.  eh, who knows, who cares, right?

well, im gonna do a little online shopping then i'll write more.

~teeny

ok...go ahead and ask me what i did this past week...my normal response should be "nothing...work, eat, sleep" but not this week...then again, not this month either.  im currently trying to remember what i did this week...its all a blur.  hmmm...start off with yesterday...on sat. went to work (both jobs!) came home, did a midnight long's and walmart run (talk about being bored) ok...so saturday was boring.  friday? job #1 (only for 3 hours...i took a half day off...tee hee hee), went beach w/cousins...got on a surfboard for the very first time (and thank goodness i didnt flip over or drown or anything) pretty cool...except that my arms were killing me sat. morn.  then hung out at my uncle's house (which has the coolest outdoor shower) went back to gma's, then went to bistro w/ rob and kim.  thursday: what did i do? i forget already (talk about being old) wed: worked, went to salsa, stepped on some old guy's toes (which was ok, cause he was a little...ok...a lot strange.  like frickin horny old guy strange) tuesday i worked...dont remember what i did at night.  sunday and monday were the same...i worked...dont really remember much...i know on one of those nights i went to d and b with the girls (and spent too much money buying drinks and stuff...but its ok...my cousins dont come down that often) i think thats it.  boring huh?

so here we are, at the start of another work week.  and really quickly, i HATE the 27th of the  month.  today is 1 month since justin and i broke up (my "rebound" guy as people like to refer him as) i still miss him.  oh, and its also 2 months since i found out shane cheated on me.  but on a happy note, its 1 full month of being completely unattached (as in no bf, no dates, nothing.  zip, zero, nada).  gosh, i gotta go on a date already... ha! nah, i dont really...but it would be nice to not have to pay...i guess thats one of the good things about dating. ok then...gonna go wash clothes and other assorted housework.

have a spectacular sunday!!!

~teeny

so much work stuff to read over...its like having homework...(about 3 months of stuff to catch up on) gotta file it all somewhere...

oh, but i got my first paycheck (from job #2)...yippee! that covered my mani/pedi from last week...(damn impulse shopping)

well...i had better go...gotta get ready for job #1

here's my social availability for the next few days...call me if anyone thinks of something to do...

tonight: girls nite...i think.

tomorrow (mon): day: job #1 night: chillaxin w/cousins (visiting from cali)

tues (day) job #2 10-2 (the last of my online training!!!)  night: zip, zero, nada, nothing planned

wed: day: job #1 night: salsa...(here comes the whole praying i dont step on anyones' toes)

thurs: zip zero nada nothing

fri: day: job #1 night: going to bistro w/rob? (note: to all u people raising an eyebrow...rob is just a FRIEND...the one i met at pchs in 98 summer school)

sat: day: job #1 night: job #2 (i get off at 9 so if anyone wants to do anything after that im free...)

what a boring week, huh? well...have a spectacular day!

~teeny

so mr. weekend came in today (friday...go fig...admission day is a state holiday which he had off) so should i say the long version or the short version? eh, short version.  so mr. weekend asked me to dinner...to which i politely responded that "i'm flattered that you asked, but i'm only 23" yeah...he backed off kinda quickly after that.  i mean, dont get me wrong, he seems like a nice guy...just too old for my taste (like seriously too old).  so he prob wont be coming in anymore...unless he feels like asking out one of my co-workers...ha!  anyway...still haven't had any guy ask who met the criteria...why can't i have an attractive, single, under 30 but at least 23, intelligent, polite, respectful, fun, (did i say this yet?) sexy guy with killer abs, nice smile (and a nice ass) ask me out? see? its not like my initial list is that hard to meet.  ha ha ha...i think im just trying to make things as difficult as possible for all guys, huh? ha!

ok...so im feeling pretty down right now, so im gonna vent below...so if u feel like getting all sad and depressed, read on.  if not, stop now.  ~teeny

that look in my eyes, the smile on my face, the skip in my step, the pounding of my heart.  the feeling of being in love and being loved.  of opening my soul to someone.  to showing all of my faults and insecurities.  taking a risk in being in love, of being loved.  when everyone leaves me.  waiting by the phone for you to call.  you were the last thing i thought about before i went to sleep.  the last person i talked to before i closed my eyes.  the first person i called as soon as i got up, before i got out of bed.  the safety of falling asleep, curled up in your arms.  watching you sleep and realizing that i could do this forever.  telling you my feelings, even when it made you mad.  changing all my habits to accomodate you.  being your emotional support.  cleaning up after you.  cooking for you, washing your clothes, letting you touch me,  letting you hurt me.  bending over backwards to make you happy.  spending all my money on things you want.  taking care of you when you were sick.  lying in a pool of my own vomit while you stood by and watched.  loving you unconditionally.  laying there, weak and shivering, my heart in your hands.  believing all the lies.  remaining hopeful.  staying faithful.  loving you.  then hating you.  then missing you.  all while crying and wishing you were here. hiding what i thought or what i wanted.  not wanting to make you mad.  erasing phone numbers from my cell.  not talking to guys.  ignoring my friends.  being completely in your control.  having my goodnight kiss from you before bed.  sleeping with your leg on my hip. your arms wrapped around me.  being yours.  of you owning me, possessing me, controlling me.  but being loved in a way.  being in love with you.  a part of me still loves you.  a part of me hurts.  but never  again.  because of this, because of you and you i cant open myself up.  i cant trust anyone.  when i thought i couldnt trust anyone, i trusted you.  then you left me. like everyone does. i'll never open up to anyone like i did to you.  i dont ever want to open up to anyone.  so maybe thats why i dont date.  cause i dont want to.  i dont want to open up. i dont want to like anyone, cause it could lead to love.  and if i love anyone, they'll just leave me.  like you.  and you, who will move on and find someone else to catch.  catch them when they fall, like when i fell.  when i trusted you with every inch of my being.  when i tried so hard to be myself.  but never again.  no more.  im tired of it all.  i dont want to meet anyone who i'll fall in love with, cause im not willing to take that chance.  cause i was happy and sad with you, now, im just sad.  im changing into a different person.  im coming out of my cocoon.  you helped me to do that. no more.  i realize im better than that.  im not going to be the same pushover.  thats why im not seeing anyone.  thats why im not planning to. (well, at least until the right one comes along).  even though i say that now, who knows what tomorrow will bring. but i know that whatever comes tomorrow, im not ready for it.  im not ready for anything.  except to be alone. locked away in memories.  my heart sealed away.  its safer that way.  because i still miss you even though i shouldnt.

ok...so i think i was going through one of my "i dont want to be single anymore" phases...

i dunno if im gonna go to school this semester...mostly cause i couldnt register until yesterday, and i didnt get ANY classes that i wanted...(thus, i have registered for none at all) and school starts on monday...hmm...there goes the whole law career...tee hee hee...(btw...thanks trev for the...uh...compliment?) k den...well, gotta catch a ride down to gmas so i can WALK to work.

peace out

~teeny