ok. so i was planning on deleting some of my old entries (esp stuff about exes) when i started reading them

i realized that as happy or sad as they may sound, some of them are pretty good.  (while some are just ridicuously stupid) but thats ok.  it brightened my day to read them.

so thanks for the memories

and i'll make sure to write some more insane gibberish later

sadness

hurt

alone

neglected

estranged

How i feel

hElp nowhere Left tO be seen

foreVer alonE anD sad

Misery by my sidE

feelings of Hatred

bEing betrayed

Lied to

chEated on

pain seared into a Fragile soul

Torn to pieces

shredded

MutilatEd

my whole exIstence ruined

My trust in Another

built on False dreams

and hOpes Of a future together

of a forever Love

i was wrong!

did u ever notice that there isnt many people out there who really care as much as they say they do?

why? because we're all selfish in some way.  people are selfish.  maybe its the culture that has brought us to this.  we've become a society of selfish, superficial people with nothing better to do that make ourselves feel better by degrading others.

so heres something to think of: if a friend is defined as a "supporter, person who gives assistance"or a "person allied in strugle or cause" wouldnt that make us selfish for having friends? if your friends are there for you for support, doesnt that in turn make u selfish? and truthfully, maybe thats not what friendship should be.  maybe life can be fufilled by struggling alone...by not asking for  help.  because if u ask for help from your friends, you're only using them.  see, i think i'm a perfect example of this, i call my friends when im in trouble or when i need a shoulder to cry on.  but in the past, thats only made me weak.  and its not like anybody calls me unless they need the same from me, so maybe friendship is merely a crutch in our existence... something to help us hobble through the pain.  so whats worse, to suffer alone or to be selfish by asking for help. i honestly dont think thats what God intended.  love isn't selfish, so if friendship becomes selfish, it isnt love...but there's the problem...isnt friendship supposed to be love? not the romantic type of love or even a love that can be explained, but isnt that what friendship should be? most times, however, its not.

friendship is part of life.  love is a part of life.  and the harsh reality is that we're all a little selfish.  we're all striving to make ourselves better people by being selfish.  sure, call it ambition...call it whatever the hell u like, but the reality of it is that we're all selfish.

i hate superficial, selfish people, but the reality is that i've become one of them. maybe i always have been.